Health & Fitness / Video

Struggling With Depression, Anxiety & The Quest For Perfection

08.10.17

I’ve been thinking about doing this video for a while now. Ever since I heard my friend Dawn McCoy speak at Philosophy’s Mental Health luncheon I wanted to open up and share more about my past experiences. But I was too scared.

I was afraid of what people might think. I was nervous about seeming weak. I felt like I had a dark secret. I was just plain scared. But then I watched Aimee Song’s vlog where she shared her struggles with mental health. I was inspired. I texted Dawn and told her I was ready to open up. But I needed her support.

Dawn came over to help me film my second most personal video to date. I was beyond nervous, sweating profusely as my hand shook trying to apply my mascara. We didn’t plan out the video. I didn’t know what I was going to say. All I knew was that I wanted to share.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to post this video. I look incredibly awkward. I stumble my words. And only a handful of people in my life even know I was on medication in the past for depression. Now I’m sharing it with the whole world!

So why I am sharing? Well, I’m opening up for a couple of reasons:

1. My Sydne Style fam has been so supportive.

I am so thankful for each and everyone of you. You’re always there with kind comments on my blog, social channels and YouTube. It means the world to me. So when I got a bunch of questions asking about certain things in my life I felt that I needed to open up more. I’ve been trying to do it daily on Insta Stories, getting real with the not so glamorous everyday moments. And here I’m getting as real as I can.

2. I want to share that it’s okay not to be perfect.

I’ve always been a perfectionist. In some ways, it’s a good thing. By striving for perfection I’ve pushed myself harder to get the best grades, the best jobs and be as successful as I could possibly be. But as a blogger and influencer, my perfectionism starting reaching a new low. I never felt good enough. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to others. It was a horrible downward spiral that I’ve worked very hard to stop this past year.

I’m slowly learning that it’s okay not to be perfect. You just have to be you and be the best person you can be. Practicing The Miracle Morning has really helped me (more on the book here).  It’s a constant struggle but I’m happy to say that I’ve felt really good recently. My life is not perfect. It’s far from it. But I’m in the best place I’ve been in for a very long time.

I hope this video helps you if you’re struggling with any self doubt or uncertainty in your life. And I want to thank Dawn for being such an inspirational friend, helping me open up more and realize that life isn’t always perfect… and it doesn’t have to be.  You don't have to be perfect to be amazing

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  • Melody

    Thank you Sydne for sharing this part of your life!! As someone who struggles with anxiety I can totally relate! We got this beautiful!!!

  • Jess Z

    So brave and so important to talk about these struggles! Thanks so much for sharing! <3

  • Sydne Summer

    Thanks so much Jess!

  • Sydne Summer

    Aw thanks Melody. Yes, we got this! xx