Breakups are rough. And I should know. My ex and I broke up over five times in less than five years. I thought about writing this post over the summer but I had a temporary relapse. I guess I wasn’t totally ready to let go. This final time I was. And I didn’t treat it like a breakup. I instead, decided to make my breakup a breakover.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned about breakups is you have to let go. My friend sent me this quote that I now save in my phone:
“One of the happiest moments ever
is when you find the courage
to let go of what you can’t change.”
This quote really spoke to me. I’ve been trying to be more spiritual and even did a few rituals to help with letting go process. My friend recommend this site which I’ve been dabbling with in the spiritual sense. But I wanted to share the most helpful ways I’ve been able to make my breakup a breakover in case you’re going through something similar…
Keep a Morning Gratitude Journal
This has been key for me. I started back up with The Miracle Morning and reading The Secret as my reading portion (you can read more about it here). Even on a days when I woke up feeling like absolute crap I still stepped out of bed saying I was grateful. I wrote down in a journal what I was was grateful for. Sure, as I was writing “I am grateful for my wonderful parents and amazing friends” I was thinking about my ex. But gradually, I was able to focus. I still have my bad days but it really helps to kick off the morning with a positive outlook on life.
Make a Physical Change
You can track on my Instagram the times my ex and I broke up. I switched up my hair, either chopping it off or changing the color. It was a release for me and the positive comments that resulted boosted my self esteem. Whether it’s your hair, a spray-tan or simply playing with a new signature lip color, having a physical change can majorly help.
Make Time for Working Out
I don’t really enjoy working out. I wish I did but I’ve just never been a gym person. But it is true what they say. Physical activity simply makes you feel better. It’s also a great social activity. I’ve reached out to friends to join me at workout classes or to go on hikes. I find having a workout buddy makes you stick to following through with the task much better than tackling it alone.
Buy Yourself Fresh Flowers
This is such a small one but it really helps! You don’t have to spend too much money either. I swing by Trader Joe’s once a week and spend about $8 on bunches of flowers and make little arrangements around my house. I usually go for yellow because it’s my favorite color and just makes me feel cheerful.
Indulge in Some Pampering
I treated myself to a massage after my breakup and it was just the right amount of pampering. It helped me relax and it felt good to indulge a little. Since I can’t treat myself to massages on a weekly basis, I try to do a face mask a few times a week and just unwind with a good book. If you need tips on spa nights at home you can check out this post and this one.
Don’t Worry about Dating Immediately
It always bothered me that the minute I’d breakup with my ex everyone would push me to get on a dating app immediately. I’m still not ready for dating apps. I prefer the more traditional way of getting set up by friends or randomly falling for someone you meet at the grocery store (I know, I’m so old fashioned!). Maybe I’ll get on an app one day. Who knows? But for now, I’m just trying to focus on me and the things that make me happy: seeing my friends, laughing at my silly dog, Bunny Bell, and doing everything that I can do to better myself.
I’d love to hear if you have any tips on how to get over a breakup!
Photos by Michelle Kyle
Top: Cooper & Ella (similar)
Bunny’s Bed: Casper
Nails: Essie “Fiji”
Really love this post. I know everything is not just going to be ok, its going to be really great. Just take time to enjoy wonderful you.
Thank you love you!
My boyfriend and I broke up four months ago. I felt like I knew it was coming for a long time because i knew he didn’t want to get married, but when the end of our lease came up, I had to decide if I wanted to continue feeling like my needs in the relationship would always be on the back-burner, or just face the issue. It’s been a tough few months, missing my friend, and missing the future life I’d wanted. Somedays I’m tempted to check out a dating app, because I never have, and I wonder – hey, who is out there? But I know there are a lot of things in my life which could use my attention far more than a relationship right now, and I have to believe that if I fix those, then hopefully everything else falls into place, and the next time I spend four years with a person, it will be the person who does want to marry me.
I know i should try and be more positive, and start a gratitue journal. I mean, I got a little book with the intentions of starting but each morning it’s still a struggle to get past the negativity and even fake being positive.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I know, it’s beyond rough!! It can be a struggle for me too. I’ve found the fake it till you make it rule really helps. Even on mornings that I woke up crying I would try to fake that life would be great all day long until life finally started looking better. I hope it gets better really soon for you and I love your attitude of wanting to fix everything in your life so you’re ready for the even more amazing man that will enter your life when the timing is right. Hang in there! x
Go to a Christian church! Worship music rocks, puts you in a good mood too! Pray and surrender it to God. Plus, there are tons of cute eligible Christian men at church!!! :):) I hear Hillsong church is very popular in Cali.
Heart break can be gut wrenching. The only pain relief I found was the constant need for Christ to help me. I began to ask Christ to help me almost hourly, in some cases every 15 minutes. The post below that points to attending a Christian church & listening to worship music was was a complete fix all. Christ can fill a void (even the horrendous pain from a break up) in a way that friends or even parents can not. Its as if He can go in & perform surgery on your broken heart. Certainly doesnt take place overnight but is a complete fix-all. Perhaps you can give it a whirl? No pressure. Completely freedom of choice. I so enjoy your skills & talents. Remarkable gifts you have. I found that I leaned upon Christ not only did my pain slowly start to disapate but my creativity returned & unleashed to a higher level. May I encourage you to try just a simple prayer. Even if the simply prayer asks to lead you to a good church? You wont be sorry. One of your biggest fans from Buffalo, ny
I’m so sorry you went through this, but it seems like you have a great perspective! Even when you’re in a relationship, it’s super important to remember to prioritize yourself and make sure you’re getting as much out of it as you’re putting in. Hopefully this phase of your life will give you time to love and value yourself, so you can go into a new relationship (whenever you’re ready) the best version of you. I’m sure Bunny will be happy to play wingwoman when the time comes! And there’s nothing like the unconditional love of your pup!
Aw thank you so much for the kind words. Everything you say is so true! And couldn’t agree more about the pup part. It’s amazing how dogs are always there for you no matter what. I so appreciate your support and hope you have an amazing week!
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